List of Cranky Kong quotes

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These are the quotes said by Cranky Kong in his various appearances.

Donkey Kong Country[edit]

Introduction[edit]

  • "Take a look inside your banana cave. You're in for a big surprise!" (normal mode)
  • "Oh! So you think you are read to face the Kremling hordes, do you? You will need more than that flashy new costume to get you through this time. DK is taking a well-earned rest after clearing up your mess. Don't expect any help from me either. I'm far too old to tag along with you. I wish you luck. You'll need it. Oh yes, next time you swap costumes, have a look in the mirror before leaving the shop. You look like a banana bird." (hero mode)

Entering his Cabin[edit]

DK[edit]

  • "Donkey boy! Where's Diddy?"
  • "Donkey, you young whippersnapper! Long time no see!"
  • "Donkey boy! It seems like years since we last met!"
  • "It's about time you visited your frail, old Grandpa!"
  • "Hey! Can you spare your old pappy a banana?"
  • "And what have you brought for your old Grandpa?"
  • "Well, you've amazed your old Grandpa by getting this far!"
  • "So, you've finally come to get some game play advice from your old Grandpa!"

Diddy[edit]

  • "Diddy boy! Where's Donks?"
  • "Diddy, you young pup! Boy, I can't believe how much you've grown."

Together[edit]

  • "Well, well! I didn't expect to see YOU today!"
  • "You're doing pretty good to get this far..."
  • "So you found me, did ya?! What do you want?!"
  • "Who told you I was here? Was it that obnoxious Funky Kong?"
  • "Well, well! Look what the cat dragged in!"
  • "Haven't seen you in this neck of the woods in a long time!"
  • "What do you want, eh? I'm a busy ape, I am!"
  • "Ahh! At last! Somebody to chat with!"
  • "You're lucky you caught me, I was just heading out."
  • "Have you brought back those bananas I loaned you?"
  • "Last time I saw you, you were wearing diapers!"
  • "Come over here and let me have a look at you!"
  • "Well looky what we have here!"
  • "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?!"
  • "A whole mob of Kremlings just passed through!"
  • "This here's rhino country!"
  • "Hey boy! Can you believe the shack they stuck me in?!"
  • "Hey boy! Did you fetch me my paper?!"
  • "You big ape! I could hear you coming from miles away!"
  • "It's hard to find peace and quiet any more, with you around!"
  • "Sure, come on over! Beats talking to myself..."
  • "Ahh! It sorta takes me back, seeing you here!"
  • "Boy, this place has been busy lately! What with all the Kremlings, and now you!"
  • "Sure looks like I'm Mr. Popular today, yes siree!"
  • "Sure beats a visit from Mrs. Kong! How can I help you?"
  • "Fancy running into you two way out here!"
  • "I ain't got nothing left, so don't even ask."
  • "I just gave my last barrel to that orangutan buddy of yours."
  • "What in tarnation do you want?"
  • "More freeloaders?!"
  • "Well I ain't got nothin' for ya, so scram!"
  • "Betcha won't get much further than this..."

Tips[edit]

General[edit]

  • "Someone told me that if you hold down the Y Button, you can run!" (about run)
  • "I read in the manual that you can jump farther if you hold down the run button." (about run and jump)
  • "If you roll attack a baddie, your speed increases when you hit the next one!" (about roll)
  • "I hear if you roll off a platform, and press the jump button, you'll do a super jump." (about the roll jump)
  • "Look out for disguised holes on the ground and jump on them from a great height" (about item cache in ground)
  • "I was told that if you bounce on eight consecutive baddies, you'll get an extra life." (about defeat enemies for extra life)
  • "If you find any bananas, you can be sure the Kremlings have been there before you!" (about the bananas)
  • "Look out for banana arrows, they'll point the way! Of course, I wouldn't need them!" (about the banana arrows)
  • "Grab any extra life balloons quickly, before they float away!" (about the extra life ballons)
  • "If you find any barrels with DK on them, smash them open! Your buddy might be inside!" (about DK Barrel)
  • "If you see a barrel with stars on it, break it open! It's a mid point marker." (about Barrel Stars)
  • "I reckon that Rambi the rhino could break open just about any hidden entrance." (about Rambi)
  • "I heard that Expresso the ostrich can't jump on baddies. I guess his legs are too thin." (about Expresso)
  • "Funky can send you anywhere you've already been on the island, in a flash!" (about Funky Kong)
  • "Find Candy and she can save your game for you!" (about Candy Kong)

Levels[edit]

  • "In Jungle Hijinxs, stick to the tree tops to earn extra lives." (Jungle Hijinxs)
  • "You can find the fun in Ropey Rampage between a rock and a hard place!" (Ropey Rampage)
  • "The crafty Croctopus corners his crock of collectibles in Coral Capers." (Coral Capers)
  • ""A leap of faith is all it takes to find Winky in Barrel Cannon Canyon." (Barrel Cannon Canyon)
  • "Avoid Mine Cart Carnage and jump early to get the extra life." (Mine Cart Carnage)
  • "Burn rubber for the golden rhino in Bouncy Bonanza." (Bouncy Bonanza)
  • "The bananas in Stop & Go Station will put you right!" (Stop & Go Station)
  • "Rolling some rubber will put you on the right road in Millstone Mayhem!" (Millstone Mayhem)
  • "A single banana is all you need for a bonus in Tree Top Town." (Tree Top Town)
  • "Get on down with the bananas and get ready to party in Temple Tempest!" (Temple Tempest)
  • "In Orang-utan Gang, follow the last barrel down to discover a barrel of laughs!" (Orang-utan Gang)
  • "On Snow Barrel Blast, sometimes down will not take you out; it may help you go forward." (Snow Barrel Blast)
  • "Bouncing the Bouncer will slide you to success during Slipslide Ride!" (Slipslide Ride)
  • "In Ice Age Alley, birds of a feather flock together to get your wings." (Ice Age Alley)
  • "On Croctopus Chase, there's a right way and a wrong way to get past the barrels." (Croctopus Chase)
  • "The TNT gives you a couple of real wall to wall blasts in Torchlight Trouble." (Torchlight Trouble)
  • "For you Trick Track Trekkers, the Gnawty twins know a secret!" (Trick Track Trek)
  • "For Elevator Antics, you'll have to climb higher than a hornet's nest!" (Elevator Antics)
  • "Once you're in the Poison Pond, the right way is not the only way to get the point." (Poison Pond)
  • "In Mine Cart Madness, you're just 3 bounces away from bonus land." (Mine Cart Madness)
  • "Blackout Basement could give you a sinking feeling, but you'll end up sky high!" (Blackout Basement)
  • "You're in Tanked Up Trouble if you're all gassed up and don't know where to go!" (Tanked Up Trouble)
  • "Let Diddy hold out the TNT in Manic Mincers." (Manic Mincers)
  • "Take enough ropes and you'll amaze yourself in the Misty Mine." (Misty Mine)
  • "The Loopy Lights vulture's barrel will blow you away." (Loopy Lights)
  • "The Platform Perils vulture knows it's sometimes better to come down to earth." (Plataform Perils)

Enemies[edit]

  • "Gnawty the beaver can be rolled or jumped on!" (Gnawty)
  • "Zingers sport spikes on their backs! You can't jump on them unless you're riding Winky" (Zinger)
  • "You can roll over Slippa, or just squash him with a jump attack!" (Slippa)
  • "Klaptrap's teeth are too big to use the roll attack! You need to jump on him!" (Klaptrap)
  • "Klump's hard hat protects him against your jump attack. You'll have to roll him!" (Klump)
  • "Krusha is the toughest Kremling -- only a barrel will knock him out!" (Krusha)

Animal Friends[edit]

  • "Keep your eyes peeled for Rambi the rhino! He can crash into almost any hidden room." (Rambi)
  • "Rambi the rhino can help you, but he'll want to charge for it!" (Rambi)
  • "Enguarde the swordfish will help you get straight to the point!" (Enguarde)
  • "He can't really fly, but Expresso the ostrich can flutter about." (Expresso)

Barrels[edit]

  • "Floating barrels will break as soon as you touch them."
  • "Steel ringed barrels break only when they hit a wall."
  • "Steel kegs are indestructible, follow them and they'll mow down all baddies in their path!"
  • "Hold the run button down and jump on baddies to gain extra spring to your leaps!"
  • "Bounce on the fixed tires to hurdle obstacles and reach bonuses!"
  • "Push the free tires to areas where they will help you find hidden bonus levels."

Ranting[edit]

  • "You kids today! You don't have any respect for your elders!"
  • "We never had movement like this when I was in video games!"
  • "All this fun can't be good for you!"
  • "I bet they wasted half the memory already, just on this section alone!"
  • "They can't keep this level of graphics up for much longer!"
  • "We used to be lucky if we got three shades of gray, let alone any real colors!"
  • "We used to have to survive with a two frame walk!"
  • "Sometimes our sprites used to change size for no apparent reason!"
  • "We never had any of this fancy 3-D stuff! Oh no, we had to survive on what we had!"
  • "And what little we did have, we were happy with!"
  • "Well, I've never seen anything like it!"
  • "Enjoy this demo while you can, it can't last much longer!"
  • "That's right, 4 shades of gray, in a 2x2 character block, that's all we had..."
  • "I can't play this game, the colors are all too rich for my poor old eyes!"
  • "Why, even the bananas have more frames and colors than I had in the entire game!"
  • "Look!...look at this!...as I rock, my beard swings! Waste of frames in my opinion!"
  • "Aye! That was when we had real game play, that was!"
  • "And this was developed with the latest state-of-the-art 3D workthingys, was it?"
  • "The trouble with you kids, is that you're all too soft!"
  • "The old games were far harder when I was a young 'un!"
  • "We used to play for hours on a single screen game and think we were lucky, and we were!"
  • "You wouldn't last two minutes in a real game!"
  • "I could get through D.K.Country with only one life, easy!"
  • "I'm talking about when games were games!"
  • "3 lives and 3 continues, that's all we had!"
  • "Games never looked like this when I was a lad!"
  • "And we were much better off in those days as well."
  • "Bet you thought this was 64-bit eh, boy?!"
  • "I've got more game play in my little finger than you've got in this whole game!"
  • "Y'know what they say, all graphics and no game play!"
  • "32 meg..? That would be more than 30 games in my day, and they'd be great games, too!"
  • "Back in my days, we used to have real game play..."
  • "You know what's even worse? When you get to the end, and then have to start again!"
  • "You wouldn't know a good game if you were in it!"
  • "A single joystick, and a single button is all that's needed to make good game play!"
  • "I wouldn't be seen dead in a game like this one!"
  • "I say you can't better the graphics, sounds and playability of a Game & Watch!"
  • "So you're back again! I knew a punk kid like you couldn't do the job..."
  • "That was quick. You didn't leave me enough time to think of any other stupid comments!"
  • "I don't know why I'm telling you all this, you didn't listen last time!"
  • "You have to do better than that!"
  • "You only just left!"
  • "Back again?! That was quick!"
  • "Came back to the master for more advice, hunh?!"
  • "Still got you beat, hunh?!"
  • "Yup! Don't make game players like they used to!"
  • "Okay, I'll do the level for you!... Naw!.. Only kidding!"
  • "I don't know how you dare show your face in here again, after that pitiful performance!"

Leaving the cabin[edit]

  • "That's all folks! There's nothing more I can tell you."
  • "You know all you need to know, for now."
  • "Come back and see me sometime, I'll be here!"
  • "I don't know any more than that at the moment."
  • "That's all there is to it. Piece of cake if you ask me."
  • "So long, suckers! Try not to hurt yourself out there!"
  • "That's all the advice old Cranky here can give you."
  • "I'm getting tired, I gotta take me a nap!"
  • "You practically know more than I do, now. Well... almost."
  • "I don't have anything else to tell you right now, maybe later."
  • "I could sit here and rock all day, especially if you two leave me alone!"
  • "I gotta go now, I'll see you guys later... if you're lucky!"
  • "Well, that's about the size of it!"
  • "Say, is that the time? I gotta fly."
  • "I could tell you yarns about the old days all day long!"
  • "Y'all come back now, hear?!"
  • "If you get stuck, come back and see me."
  • "Can't say I expect to see you again, but you might get lucky, I guess."
  • "It's been nice talking to you guys."
  • "Eh sonny? Speak up, I can't hear you!"
  • "Donkey Kong, I've seen enough! That tie-- turn it off!"
  • "This stereo sound is making my tired old ears bleed! Turn it down before you go!"
  • "All this game play is too much for me."
  • "I'm back to my cabin for a nap!"
  • "Remember the original Donkey Kong? Think I'll go play that... see you later!"
  • "There's too many baddies around for my liking..."
  • "I'm off to lie down!"
  • "I'd ask you in, but they didn't have any memory left to display the cabin interior!"
  • "Now, off you go!! See if you can't finish this ridiculous quest without my help!"
  • "Make sure to shut the gate on your way out. I didn't raise you in a barn!"
  • "See ya later, alligator! Ha! Ha!"
  • "After a while, crocodile!"

Boss defeats[edit]

  • "I can't believe it. You trampled all over Gnawty. Give me that giant banana. I will take care of it for you. Come on, get going. You can't rest yet." (Kongo Jungle)
  • "You sure showed that stupid bird who's boss. Good, that's another banana back. Now go down to Vine Valley and find the others" (Monkey Mines)
  • "Well, you told him to buzz off. You looked in trouble for a while. Come on, hand it over. I will take that banana for you. Make sure you wrap up warm. I have got a feeling you'll need to." (Vine Valley)
  • "Are my old eyes playing tricks? I'm sure I have seen that beaver before. Where could it have been? Grab the banana and give to me. Head down the mountain to the factory." (Gorilla Glacier)
  • "Oh dear! Call that tin can a boss? Surely K. Rool can come up with better than that, maybe a bucket or perhaps a really nasty fridge! Come on, you are nearly there now. Just Chimp Caverns to go." (Kremkroc Industries, Inc.)
  • "It's just like the old days, reusing the boss, changing it's color and pretending it is completely new. That's it, only K. Rool left to beat, Come on, lets go and kick his scaly butt!" (Chimp Caverns)

Ending[edit]

  • "Well done Donkey my boy! Who'd have thought a young whippersnapper like you could've beaten that bunch of no good Kremlings? You've made an old man proud!" (one player)
  • "Congratulations Red/Yellow Team! You whupped those crafty crocodiles and are first past the post! Whatever happened to the Yellow/Red Team? I guess those guys need more practice!" (1st place in two player contest)
  • "Well, well, well, if it isn't the Yellow/Red Team! What happened to you two? The Red/Yellow Team finished ages ago! Too good for you were they, huh?" (last place in two player contest)
  • "Go and look in your hoard, I think you'll be in for a surprise!"
  • "If I had been playing, I'd have found everything! I'm sure there must be some bonus rooms you haven't found!" (incomplete)
  • "What a player you are, Donkey my lad! You've beaten the Kremlings, and found absolutely everything! You're nearly as good as I used to be!" (complete)

Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest[edit]

Story intro[edit]

  • "Well, well... What do you think you're doing siting around all day? They won't get much of a game out of this, will they? I thought you were supposed to be a big star!"
  • "I didn't! Whisking off maidens and chucking barrels, seven days a week I was! That's how I got where I am today, you know. Hard word. There was none of this lazin' around on a beach!"
  • "Hah! He's off somewhere with that girlfriend of his. But still, I can see when I'm not wanted..."
  • "Look, a note!"
  • "Give me a chance! I'm not as quick as I used to be. It says:"
  • "Well, I suppose we'd better give him the bananas. Hadn't we?"
  • "Arrrrgh! This story's even worse that Donkey Kong Country's. They're really scraping the bottom of the barrel this time! Have you any ideas how to get DK back?"
  • "I'm sure as spit not gonna do it, not that I'm past my prime, mind you. I could still do a better job than the rest of you put together. But I wouldn't be seen dead in a game that scrolls and has bonus levels and end bosses!"
  • "We will meet you there. Come and see us if you need any help!"

Entering his museum[edit]

Ranting[edit]

  • "Say hello to your old grandpappy Cranky. I'm back by popular demand to offer my wealth of gameplay wisdom for this unnecessary sequel." (first meeting)
  • "What sort of name is Dixie anyway? In my day, you were lucky to have a name at all!"
  • "I'd sort out old K. Rool for you real quick, but I'd be spoiling the limited fun you're trying to get out of this shoddy product!"
  • "I don't even get two screens to stand in! I'm sure K. Rool will have two, so why can't I? Pah!"
  • "Look at all this junk in here! Treat my home like a trash can they do! No respect for their elders, that's the trouble..."
  • "Haven't sold a single thing in weeks! If this junk was out of one of my games, the customers would be begging to get in!"
  • "Where's Expresso? A clumsy spider and a fat parrot, is that the best they can think of?"
  • "Girl heroes in video games, pah. I can't believe it! The main character should be really muscle-bound and carry a gun, not twirl their hair round!"
  • "Need more help do we? Pah! If tell you much more, I might as wall play the game for you!"
  • "Don't you ever knock? I know you're desperate for help, but remember your manners next time!"
  • "I knew it! You've come to beg for my help again, haven't you! Well, I'm not going to tell you anything this time!"
  • "Come on in! Have yourselves a look 'round and buy some of this trash, why don't you?"
  • "I'll box your ears if you don't listen this time!"
  • "Back so soon? I thought you'd complete at least another level before you came crying to me!"
  • "See, you're back again! Evebody like old Cranky. I bet my ugly, old wife doesn't get half as many visits!"
  • "You think your fancy graphics and sound will work again! I think not. You'll be lucky to sell 10 copies this time!"
  • "Have you been to see the other members of the Kong family? They're not as useful as me of course, but they might be able to help."
  • "You're looking a bit fat there, kid! Look at me, I'm at my physical peak. I could show you a thing or two!"
  • "Oh, it's you again. I thought it might be a real video game hero..."
  • "K. Rool is gonna whup your hides this time, whippersnappers! I'd better take over before you embarrass yourselves!"
  • "For just five bucks, you can buy my memoirs. What a dynamic and exciting life I've led. You'll be lucky to star in half as many games as I been."
  • "Shouldn't Dixie just be a token female princess waiting to be rescued, instead of a main character?"
  • "Team up? I've never heard such rubbish in my life! When I played, I was on my own. I had no fancy backup!"
  • "I hate being stuck in this shabby barrel. I want to sit outside like last time!"
  • "Give up now before the kids realize you're not as popular as Donkey Kong was!"
  • "Just 'cos DKC sold few lousy copies, I have to be included in another ludicrous adventure! It's the last time, I tell you!"
  • "I'd have collected far more tokens than that by now! What's wrong, got holes in your pockets?"
  • "Diddy, I thought you were a cheap character in DKC, but Dixie's even worse! It should be me on my own, that it should!"
  • "Surprise, surprise. Well if it isn't the so called video game heroes! I hope I'm getting paid for all my help!"
  • "Howdy, young 'uns! Gather round and I'll give you some much needed advice!"
  • "You spend as much time in here as I do!"
  • "Look! They've even taken my chair from me. It's disgusting how they treat old video game heroes these days..."
  • "After my starring role in DKC, I thought I'd be the main character this time, not stuck in this gloomy shed!"
  • "I bet this here Killer Instinct game is rubbish too! It hasn't got me in it, so it must be!"
  • "I was hoping for more frames this time, but no! Don't let old Cranky do anything. Just give him some third rate stand frames!"
  • "I don't know why I help you so much. You don't appreciate me!"
  • "Well, well, well, if it isn't our trainee hero! I didn't expect you to find this place, sonny. You must have got luck. Now that you're here, I'd better tell you about it. This here's the Kremling's 'LOST WORLD', and that big crocodile head in the middle is where you need to get to if you're going to finish this silly game properly. But to get there, you have to beat Kaptain K. Rool and complete all the bonus levels as well, a task I'm sure is well beyond a whippersnapper like you! I don't know why I'm doing this, but here are some ridiculous cheap hints for this world, which I'm sure you'll be needing as well."" (Lost World)

Final conversation[edit]

  • "O.K., which of these would you like?"
  • "Take a look at this lot!"
  • "Here's a fraction of my enviable knowledge!"
  • "Go ahead, test my amazing knowledge!"
  • "I can recommend the really expensive ones, actually."
  • "Enough talk, let's see your tokens!"
  • "Pick a subject! I know everything about this game!"
  • "I reckon you should spend all your tokens here."
  • "Gaze in awe, as you appreciate my knowledge!"
  • "Feast yer eyes on my menu!"
  • "What do you want this time?"
  • "This stuff is cheap at half the price!"
  • "Here's what I've got to offer."

Not enough coins[edit]

  • "You must be joking! You'll never have enough for that!"
  • "It's not a charity! I want more tokens for this!"
  • "Find some more tokens, you useless monkey!"
  • "You'll have to play better to buy that, sonny!"
  • "You'd better stick to the free ones, whippersnapper."
  • "Not enough? Well, get lost then."
  • "Hey! If you ain't got any tokens, you can buzz off!"
  • "That's not enough. I've got ney frames to pay for y'know!"
  • "Keep yer grubby hands off if you can't afford it!"
  • "My knowledge doesn't come that cheap!"
  • "You ain't got enough tokens for that, cheapskate!"
  • "I'm not giving this stuff away you know!"
  • "That one is too good for you."

Leaving the Monkey Museum[edit]

  • "That's enough help for now. I need some rest."
  • "Now, go and sort out those stupid crocodiles!"
  • "I gotta go now, my wife is visiting any moment!"
  • "Yawn! I'm getting tired. Go away and don't disturb me again!"
  • "Now, buzz off and let me work on my new game design."
  • "Guess I'd better tidy this miserable dump up a bit."
  • "It should be real easy for you now!"
  • "I'm off to spend my tokens!"
  • "When you need more advice, which you will, I might help again, if you're lucky."
  • "Don't be surprised if I'm gone next time. I'll be in a real game!"
  • "Time for a couple of games on this here Killer Instinct."
  • "Even you can finish this silly game now!"
  • "Remember, I'm the most useful of the Kongs, and the cheapest!"
  • "Don't come back without a sackful of tokens!"

Boss defeats[edit]

  • "Well done! You sure showed that feathered freak. I can't wait to see how you get on in Crocodile Cauldron. Go on then, go! What are you waiting for!" (Gangplank Galleon)
  • "You sure took you time beating that rusty old sword. Let's get out of here. My fur is about to catch alight. Now head for swamp Krem Quay." (Crocodile Cauldron)
  • "This all seem too easy. I hope you aren't cheating! You have to keep moving. DK is depending on you! Off you go to Krazy Kremland." (Krem Quay)
  • "Where does K. Rool keep getting these giant Zingers from? Come on, let's go to Gloomy Gulch. You don't have time to play on the shooting gallery now!" (Krazy Kremland)
  • "Oh no, not the same boss, but as a ghost! Ooh! I was so scared. You are doing really well; only K. Rool's Keep to get past." (Gloomy Gulch)
  • "Well done! I sure didn't expect that. Go to K. Rool's airship and rescue DK." (K. Rool's Keep)
  • "Good work, but we have to rust bucket before it crashes." (The Flying Krock)
  • "I can't believe my eyes! Once again you have beaten that lizard-faced freak. DK is back with us, and the world is safe once again." (Lost World)

Ending[edit]

1st[edit]

  • "I knew you'd do it, Diddy m'boy, but how could you fail having learned all you know from old Cranky here?" Well done, Diddy, m'boy! Who'd have known you'd be able to rescue that lazy grandson of mine and dump K. Rool in his own filthy swamp/island? Not bad for a novice! Of course, if I'd have been playing, I'd have made sure that K. Rool never tries a cheap trick like this again! I reckon I'd found all the Kremkoins and completed the so called 'Lost World'. Oh well, can't expect everything from our first game, can we? One more thing, how many of my special Video Game Hero Coins did you find? A real player, such as myself, would have found plent I'm sure. Let's see how well you did, eh?"
  • "Well, I've got a second screen, and it's about time too. Now, shut up everyone while I read the eagarly awaited results of my prestigious Video Game Hero Awards.... Hmmm... Not too good at finding my coins, are you, sonny? You might be a hero, but you've got a lot of catching up to do, yes siree! If you want to look at your limited progress on this screen, press the left and right buttons while you are on any of the map screens. Now buzz off and see if you can find some more of my coins, which I very much doubt you will."
  • "Hey! What are you waiting for? There's no secret stuff hidden here, sonny! There is, however, a couple of special options on the game selection screen though I'm sure they're of little use. To find these silly options, press down lots of times, but if I were you, I wouldn't bother. Now, go ahead and switch that cartridge off, so I could get some sleep! I reckon I've earned it!" (after credits)

Last[edit]

  • "N-n-nice going k-kid! I-I reckon only a t-t-true video g-game hero would h-have f-f-finished it all! L-let's get out of t-this miserable d-dump, and g-get back t-t-to D-Donkey K-K-Kong Island!"
  • "Back to see me again, eh, sonny? Let's see if you've improved your hero status, shall we? I'm not afraid to admit it, Diddy m'boy. Even I'm wrong occasionally. You're as big a hero as they come. You must take after me and Donkey. Well Done!"

Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble![edit]

SNES[edit]

Entering the tent[edit]

  • "So you've reached the bonus game then, have you? It's not a simple game of questions and answers this time though! Now you've got to beat yours truly if you want to win any prizes!" (first meeting)
  • "I hope you like red, 'cause that's what your face is going to be soon!"
  • "If a fool like you can beat me, I'll eat my hat!"
  • "Heh heh heh, this is going to be like taking candy from a baby."
  • "At last - I'm out of retirement! Now I'll make a monkey out of you!"
  • "You chimps are chumps, I can't believe you'd even try to beat me!"
  • "Here's my strategy guide for you..... Give it up now and save your monkey!"
  • "If a little girl or a dopy kid can beat me, I'll jang up my gloves!"
  • "Come and have a go if you think you're good enough."

Win[edit]

  • "Next time you fancy a lesson, come and see ME"
  • "I think you need a little practice. Oooh, about a year should do it."
  • "Was that the best you could do? You need to eat more bananas."
  • "I could beat you with both of my arms ties behind my back!"
  • "Hey, don't take it personally kid - I'n the greatest, you're a chump!"
  • "You were no contest - go and challenge Wrinkly and her friends!"
  • "Look at this! It's my eight ball air juggle! A real killer, isn't it?"

Lose[edit]

  • "Oh, so you managed a fluke victory, huh? I'd like to see you try again!"
  • "It's not fair! Some of your targets were twice the size of mine!"
  • "You only had to blow on your targets for them to fall over!"
  • "Did you see my last shot? It went clean through the target. Honest!!!"
  • "Hey hey, you cheeky monkey! Have this as a bonus prize!"
  • "Get out of my tent now, you cheeky ape!! Wait till I tell your parents."
  • "You fraudster! I'm off to consult my lawyers about this!"

Draw[edit]

  • "A draw, eh? It's the closest you'll ever get to winning a game!!"
  • "Get some tokens and try again, you knucklehead."
  • "You appreciate, of course, the real terms I was the actual winner!"
  • "Well, that was a waste of 2 coins, wasn't it? Go on - have another game!"

GBA[edit]

Entering the dojo[edit]

  • "Welcome to my training area! I'm fed up with you young whippersnappers having all the fun. So I'm improving my skills for my next big adventure in Cranky Kong Country! You can help me train if you like, but I'm no charity - I need to raise cash to fund my new project, so I'm going to charge you for the privilege of training with a master. As it's early in the game, I'll let you train with me for one of those stupid silver coins. The ones with those freaky bears' heads on." (first meeting)
  • "Help me deflect these spike critters with my trusty shield. Use the +Control Pad to move my shield into the correct blocking position. You'll get a reward based on your performance!" (accepted)
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Boss defeats[edit]

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KAOS Kore[edit]

  • "Nope, not really!"
  • "You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would ya??"

Donkey Kong 64[edit]

Beginning of adventure[edit]

  • "Well, if it isn't my lazy, good-for-nothin' son. Lost your golden bananas again? And where might your flea-bitten friends be? You don’t know, do you? I’d have thought you would be able to smell the work of a reptile by now! Luckily for you, old Cranky’s batch of homemade potions will give you all the skills you need for your silly 3-D quest. But you’re not having any until you’ve completed my training barrels. Now buzz off and come back when you’ve done them all." (first meeting)
  • "What did I say to you, DK? Come back when you’ve completed my training barrels, you dumb ape!" (incomplete training)
  • "Hrmph, you took your time Donkey. Jungle rust set in. Did it? Drink this." (complete)

Basics[edit]

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Jetpack[edit]

  • "Pah! I knew you'd be hopeless at a real game! Try again, Kong" (incomplete)
  • "W-what! You got my Rareware Coin? That's impossible. You must have cheated. Hrmph. All you can do now is play for fun, I suppose. Interested?" (complete)
  • "Back again, Kong? How about another go on my Jetpac game, huh?" (entering in lab)

Potions[edit]

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DK: King of Swing[edit]

Story Intro[edit]

  • "Tomorrow's the day we finally hold that competition! Whoever gets the most medals will be the jungle hero!"
  • "Now, these medals are important, so don't let anybody steal 'em! I'll just keep them in here for safe storage..."
  • "O-O-O-Ohhh nooooo!! Now we can't hold our tournament! We have to get those medals back from King K. Rool!"

Cranky's Lectures[edit]

  • "What's the matter? What's that, you say? You don't know what to do? Don't you worry at all! The controls are simple. Just use L Button and R Button. Here, your ol' Cranky'll show you the most basic move: how to walk around! When you've got the hand of that, come see me and press A Button. Once you've done all that, I'll show you a new move! Here's how you walk! L Button: Move Left, R Button: Move Right" (walk)
  • "You can also move using . Just pick the method that suits you. Well, it look like you got the hang of that quickly!"
  • "You ready to move on? Next, I'll show you how to jump from the ground. Press and release L Button and R Button at the same time." (jump)
  • "Now, on to how you grab those floating pegs. You let Wrinkly show you what do do. Watch closely! This is the way to grab the floating pegs! L Button: Use Left Hand, R Button: Use Right Hand." (grab)
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DK: Jungle Climber[edit]

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Donkey Kong Country Returns[edit]

Entering his shop[edit]

  • "Gimme some of those Banana Coins. I have bills to pay."
  • "Back for more, are you? I knew you couldn't make it without my help."
  • "Well, you've amazed your old grandpa by getting this far."
  • "Can you believe the shack they stuck me in?!"
  • "Blood may be thicker than water, but Banana Coins are thicker still. Get in here."
  • "Who is that pig, anyway? And why's he wearing glasses?"
  • "Let me know if you find the Golden Banana! I hear it's glorious!"
  • "Shut the door! You're letting all the cold air."
  • "Betcha won't get much further than this..."
  • "What do you want, eh? I'm a busy ape, I am!"
  • ""Oh, Cranky, I need some help. Oh, Cranky, can you sell me a parrot?" Pshh."
  • "Hurry up and buy something. I have plans for those coins." (Entering his shop)
  • "Come on in! I got heart boosts, magic potions, and more balloons than you can shake Diddy at!"
  • "They stopped paying my pension ages ago. Now I'm reduced to selling junk out of this old shack."
  • "So, who hasn't stolen your bananas at this point?"
  • "Have you tried Roll Jumping yet? We apes have no need for the laws of physics!"
  • "Tell those Tikis to keep it down! I'm an old ape, and I need my rest."
  • "If you want to free the island from those stinking Tikis, you'll need my help. Get in here!"
  • "Sorry, but I am fresh out of life vests." (Beach)
  • "Wow, you made it all the way to the ruins. I'd pat you on the head if I wasn't so cranky." (Ruins)
  • "I've been trying to figure out just what they mine in those mines, but I've got nothing." (Cave)
  • "Close the door! I don't want any of those spiders getting in here." (Forest)
  • "Some say it's fun to play in the tar pits, of course, those folks are all fossils now..." (Cliff)
  • "I love this place. Brings back the memories, it does." (Entering his shop in the Factory)
  • "It's a bittersweet feeling to reach the end of such an adventure, don't you agree?" (Volcano)
  • "You wouldn't have any water on you, would you, sonny? Hoo boy." (Volcano)

Highlighting[edit]

  • "One extra balloon equals one extra reprieve from failure." (Extra-Life Balloon)
  • "Just one of these balloons is enough to hold the weight of an entire ape!" (Extra-Life Balloon)
  • "Where does an ape get helium for all these balloons? I will never tell!" (Extra-Life Balloon)
  • "All the balloons you buy from me are going to pop eventually, just you wait!" (Extra-Life Balloon)
  • "How about an extra balloon for you? Don't say you couldn't use it." (Extra-Life Balloon)
  • "Where does an ape keep all these balloons, anyway?" (3 Extra-Life Balloon)
  • "Three is a crowd! I make do with one...me!" (3 Extra-Life Balloon)
  • "These ought to help with some of those tough spots." (3 Extra-Life Balloon)
  • "If you could bop indefinitely, you wouldn't have to buy these from me." (7 Extra-Life Balloon)
  • "Come on, sonny, these are friend prices!" (7 Extra-Life Balloon)
  • "I blew up all these balloons myself, you know." (7 Extra-Life Balloon)
  • "If you're having trouble finding secrets, Squawks is your man! Err...bird!" (Squawks)
  • "Not only does he keep me company, he reminds me where I left my keys!" (Squawks)
  • "Of course, I would have no need for this little guy, but you aren't me, are you?" (Squawks)
  • "Go ahead and buy it. You need all the help you can get, sonny." (Heart Boost)
  • "You buy one of these, and you can withstand one more hit than usual." (Heart Boost)
  • "You gonna stare all day, or are you gonna throw down some coin?" (Heart Boost)
  • "You've got a lot of heart...but heart does not equal skill." (Heart Boost)
  • "Back in my day, I could get through the island without getting hit even once!" (Heart Boost)
  • "Drink a little of this, and enemies won't be able to hurt you." (Banana Juice)
  • "You better hope the Tikis don't get their mitts on this stuff." (Banana Juice)
  • "This stuff only lasts a little while. Take too many hits and it's gone!" (Banana Juice)
  • "One drink of this juice, and you'll be unstoppable!" (Banana Juice)

Buying[edit]

  • "Don't waste it!" (Extra-Life Balloon)
  • "I give this balloon 30 seconds before it pops." (Extra-Life Balloon)
  • "You'll need every balloon you can get if you want to finish this quest." (Extra-Life Balloon)
  • "Excellent choice!" (Extra Life Balloon)
  • "Guess I'll get back to inflatin'." (3 or a 7 Extra Life Balloon)
  • "Careful you don't float away with all these balloons!" (3 or 7 Extra-Life Balloon)
  • "You already have too many of these, you greedy ape!" (Trying to buy an Extra-Life Balloon when the player has 99 of them)
  • "Keep him safe, you hear?!" (Buying Squawks)
  • "Squawks will speak up when he finds secrets...for a friend." (Squawks)
  • "Okay, sonny, but don't say I didn't ridicule you.." (Heart Boost)
  • "And I thought two hearts was too easy! Now you want a third?" (Heart Boost)
  • "Remember, take too many hits and it's gone!" (Banana Juice)
  • "Wow, way to fight fair, Donkey Kong." (Banana Juice)
  • "What, you need a key to bust through some flimsy lock?" (Map Key)
  • "You already bought this key, sonny!" (Trying to buy the already bought Map Key)

Not enough coins[edit]

  • "What's the matter? Waste all your coins on video games?"
  • "Don't have enough Banana Coins? I wish I could say I was surprised."
  • "Aww...Poor little monkey is all out of money."
  • "You know where you can find more Banana Coins? Everywhere."
  • "Come back when you have some more coins, sonny."

Leaving the shop[edit]

  • "Come back with fistfuls of Banana Coins or don't come back at all!"
  • "See ya later, alligator! Ha! Ha!"
  • "When in doubt, pound! Or jump, or blow, or whatever, I'm sure you'll figure it out."
  • "Make sure to shut the gate on your way out. I didn't raise you in a barn!"
  • "Keep your eyes open for those Kong Letters, they might be worth something!"
  • "Good luck, kid. From the looks of you, you're going to need it."
  • "If you see that old rhino fella out there, tell him to stop by."
  • "Glad I could help my grandson overcome this deadly challenge in exchange for a little cash money."
  • "They say there is a banana out there that not only tastes great, but warps you to an alternate dimension. I say, yes please!"
  • "Now get out there and give those little drum guys what for. Yes, I said "What for." I'm old. Get over it."
  • "It sure looks dangerous out there. See ya!"
  • "Can't say I expect to see you again, but you might get lucky, I guess."
  • "Good luck out there, kid!"
  • "Don't you just love a nice sunset?" (Jungle)
  • "Tell that bulbous banana-eating guy he needs to cut down on the nanners! I mean, look at him! He's huge!" (Jungle)
  • "Keep an eye out for large marine life. Some of those guys can get...testy." (Beach)
  • "Be careful on those aqueducts. I don't think they were built to code." (Ruins)
  • "And remember, just because it can't see you doesn't mean it can't hurl a pickaxe right at your head." (Cave)
  • "Keep an eye out for some replacement rocking-chair material. This one chafes." (Forest)
  • "Stay out of the tar, sonny! Jeez, do I have to teach you everything?" (Cliff)
  • "Tip from Gramps! If you see three levels arranged in a very precise pattern, perhaps that's worth looking into." (Factory)
  • "And remember! Lava? Less fun than tar." (Volcano)